the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
