dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
