I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
