too bad you live with your parents still
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
