weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
