where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
