a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
