why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
