she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
