the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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