i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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