Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize