It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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