No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
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