a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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