she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
