My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
