I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
