Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
