I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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