i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
