Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
