You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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