my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize