get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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