Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
