LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
