I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize