Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
