i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
