Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
