so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
