quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
