Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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