He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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