I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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