talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
