She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
