First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
