I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
