I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
