I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
