My hand turned me down
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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