i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
