have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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