Just fell off a train. Bad.
if only i could text you this smell
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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