Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
