hell yes lets make some ravioli
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You pole danced in your parka.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
