u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
