I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
