yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My bed smells like the plague
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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