so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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