You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
