My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
