i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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