At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
