Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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