she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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