Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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