I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
