Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
