i can't believe i had my finger in that
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
