I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize