It's Friday. Sex?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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