he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
