So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize