I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
