I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
