In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize