My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
