Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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