TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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