all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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