I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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