yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
