Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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