my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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