I understand Curling. That high.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
