Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
