Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
